I am single-handedly responsible for the box office success of “Baby Mama.” Literally. Grossing more than $18 million this weekend, it trounced “Harold & Kumar” all because of yours truly. I bought up every single ticket available to every single showing across the country and then scalped them online and by proxy at theaters. Working with moles at Moviefone, AOL, AMC, Loews, Clearview, SONY, Goodrich, Landmark, Mann, National Amusements AND Tim from the last remaining Blockbuster, I was able to dupe the American public and resell my purchases. Why did I do this? Two words: Greg. Kinnear. I can’t help it. He’s my man crush. I have a man crush on Greg Kinnear and have felt this way ever since his star turn in a 1989 episode of “Life Goes On.” I will do whatever it takes to propel him to the heights of fame and glory that he deserves. Now, if someone could spot me a fiver for some Whoppers at the concession stand …
Tags: Baby Mama, Governor, Greg Kinnear, Harold & Kumar, humor, movies, New York, Paterson, politics, Whoppers
