Jenna Bush asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I turned her down. Jenna and I met a few years ago at an exclusive Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for those who had dabbled in coke themselves and/or had a prominent politician in the family who had also dabbled in coke. From the moment I uttered “Hi, Jenna,” in unison with the rest of the group, I knew we’d be the best of friends. And I was right! It wasn’t too long before we were getting our nails done together, shopping, having lunch and yapping away on IM late at night. When her twin sister’s purse was snatched in Argentina, which totally freaked them both out, who do you think she called first? That’s right. Henry. But who do you think she called NEXT? And when she had that little lesbo escapade and thought the Secret Service was on to her, who do you think she called? That’s right. Chelsea. But who do you think she called NEXT? So when Jenna asked me to tea at the Plaza a few months back, I saw it coming. And I thought to myself, “How in the heck are you — a DEMOCRAT — going to walk down the aisle carrying pansies at the wedding of JENNA BUSH, Republican scion extraordinaire?” And you’d think for that reason alone, I’d have said no. But honestly, that had very little to do with my rejection of bridesmaid-hood. The fact is, Jenna wanted me to wear a fuchsia Vera Wang frock. And there was just no way in hell that was ever gonna happen. So alas, I shan’t be in attendance tomorrow in Crawford, when Jenna will don her Oscar de la Renta dress (in white. Ha! As if!) and become a wife. I will, of course, be there in spirit. Good wishes Jenna!
Tags: bridesmaid, Bush, Crawford, Governor, Henry, humor, Jenna, Paterson, Vera, Wang, wedding
