I’m an appeaser. I may not be a member of the United States Senate, but I appease with the best with them. Guys like W. say ”Bring it on!” I say “Let it be.” John McCain wants to exterminate the brutes. I’m open to a friendly round of golf, or perhaps a game of ping pong. Call me a diplomat. Or don’t. Either way, I’m okay with it. I’m an assuager, a conciliator, a mollifier, a placater. I propitiate, I dulcify. Welcome. Come on in, I say. Have a cup of tea. Biscuit? Let’s talk. I want to hear your feelings. We can work it out. Adolph, Mao, Ghengis, you guys just needed a firm handshake and a gentle reminder to respect your neighbors. The same is true today. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez . . . I respect you. Sure we have our differences, but there’s no need for fisty-cuffs. Let’s eschew the macho head games, shall we? Let’s put all our cards on the table . . . and then have a friendly game of gin rummy. Barack Obama, keep it up. Don’t let them push you around. Or let them, if that makes them feel better. The important thing is that you keep appeasing. Appease the left, appease the right. When Hillary starts insisting that you seat the delegates from Florida and Michigan, tell her you’ll see what you can do. And buy her a nice gift — maybe a bottle of Old Spice. When the voters of West Virginia complain about the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, start singing that John Denver song. Just calm everyone down. Let ‘em know that every little thing’s gonna be all right. I’ll be doing my part up here in Albany. You keep up the fight down there in D.C. Figuratively I mean. Don’t actually fight. I made that clear, right? If I haven’t, just let me know and we can talk about it. We’ll have an encounter. You’ll feel good. I’ll feel good. It will be very pleasant. Thanks for your understanding.
Tags: Adolph, Ahmadinejad, appease, Bush, Confession, David, Florida, Ghengis, Governor, Hugo Chavez, John Denver, Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud, Mao, McCain, Michigan, New York, Paterson, ping pong, senate, senator, W.
