Man, I am so absent-minded since I became governor. Like the other day, I stroll into DnD’s (That’s Dunkin’ Donuts for you philistines out there). I’m hankering for a Coolata. You know, because the back of my legs are sticking to the pleather. (And I’m trying to get the legislature to do something about all the pleather up here in Albany. It’s like everywhere. Pleather toilet seat? What genius dreamt that up?) So, you know, I’m sipping up that creamy caffeinated deliciousness and I just get totally distracted. I must have left my Keffiyeh on the counter. And next thing I know, Rachel Ray is wearing it in a DnD commercial and the whole Middle East is about to erupt in flames. And you want to know what really gets my goat. It wasn’t even my Keffiyeh. It was Spitz’s. He had it tied to the bedpost in the governor’s bed (don’t ask!). Michelle and I were cleaning out the room — you know, throwing out all the Hustler magazines and the empty whipped cream cans — and I said, Michelle, what should we do with this? She told me to try it. It’s really you, she told me. She said it gave me a kind of Barack Obama aura. Well, who doesn’t want that? So, the thing became my lucky scarf. How was I to know it would cause an international incident? I didn’t mean to bring down Rachel Ray and I sure as hell didn’t mean to sink DnD. Where am I gonna get my Coolatas now? What if I have an alarm-clock catastrophe? What will happen to all those munchkins? Hey, Rachel Ray, next time you see a Keffiyah that doesn’t belong to you, just let it be. Okay, superstar? Ever hear of the Lost and Found?
Tags: Coolata, David, Donut, Dunkin, Governor, Hustler, munchkin, New, Paterson, pleather, Rachel, Ray, York
May 31, 2008 at 12:49 am
Double D. I’ll drink to that, Lieutenant. And hey, that Rachel Ray’s got a nice pair of melons, huh? So . . . can you get that scarf back for me. Thing’s a babe magnet.